I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
