1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
