the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I want her autograph on my taint
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
