I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Randomize
