Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
