3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
so explain again why im purple
no
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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