got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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