You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize