If i come over, it means nothing
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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