i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
