We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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