You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
