Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
