dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
