I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Naked Twister starts at high noon
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
pray to the hookup gods
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
