i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
