sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
This is classic penis vs brain.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
