just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
