def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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