Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Randomize
