I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
