He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
