I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
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