Pants 0. Shit 1.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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