New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
