Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
