I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
