dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
