So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
it was like eating out sand paper
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
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