She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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