I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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