Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
