dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
