I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
