She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
