Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
He felt like a one man threesome
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
