i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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