god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize