Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
