You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
