how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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