Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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