Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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