we have pet lesbian snakes
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
