Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
