I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize