all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
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