i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
