I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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