At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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