I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
