if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
