Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize