She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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