my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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