Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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