There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
