You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You are a genius and a whore.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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