Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
