thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
