kristin has been a bad kristin
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
